Smile through a thousand tears

I can't even begin to describe the pain I felt when I heard of my brother's death, something inside of me died that day. My heart has never known such pain, I thought I had gone through it all, that I knew what pain was....boy was I wrong.

Nothing could have prepared me for this, not even seeing him sick. It was still a shock. My brother was too young to die, there was so much for him to do and see. I feel robbed.

Now, life moves on. I'm expected to pick up the pieces and just go on with my life. To remember the good memories and just accept that he's gone forever. I can't, I don't know how to. Everything reminds me of him, home is not the same. The house just feels empty without the sound of his voice and his weird laugh. I wake up, go to work, smile and say I'm ok when all I really want to do is break down and cry.

I miss him so much, I really do pray that he's in a better place...

Wow...almost a year

Hey there
I totally forgot about you. Wow, I can't believe it's been a year.
Good times and bad times, I have learnt so much in this short space of time and a lot has changed in my life.

I made peace with people, I met somebody...(my island). It's good to know that in this crazy world, one has someone to escape to when it all gets too much. While my love life is good, my family is facing hard times.

But in the midst of all this I know my Creator lives and that He is in charge of the situation. He has gotten me through so much and I know he will not leave me now. I feel tired emotionally and sometimes I wish I could run from it all but I will hold on and not give up.

I'm hoping to keep updating my blog regularly but hey things get hectic sometimes.....till next time.

The power of forgiveness

Recently I learnt a very good lesson about forgiveness. I had been holding on to past hurts and was bearing a huge grudge. It just brought a lot of negative energy in my life, because I felt angry and bitter all the time. But then I made a decision to let go.......let go of the pain, anger, hate, resentment and all the negativity.

I can't tell you what a load that was off my shoulders, it's weird but I feel like I can even breath better. I learnt that forgiving someone is not about letting that person get away with hurting you but it's about allowing yourself to live again, it's about healing your own wounds.

One of the authors of 'The Secret' said it best when he said: Not forgiving someone and being bitter is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die from it.

'I blame you for nothing, but I forgive you everything' - Mary J. Blige

One of my favourite songs

INDIA ARIE - "Ready For Love"

I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom, To be held in your captivity
I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow I'll say the same thing
I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain I just need you to acknowledge I am here
If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart
I am ready for love
If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can
I am ready for love
Here with an offering of My voice, My Eyes, My soul, My mind.
Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love.

Attraction

What attracts you to the opposite sex? Is it the looks or the personality.

People will say things like 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' or 'I love him because he has a great personality'(that's code for he's ugly.....at least that's what I say). First impressions last, so what I see will either attract or repel me. That's why I think it's important for people to be neat and tidy(when you can obviously). Ugly or beautiful? that goes according to personal taste, I might like thin guys and a friend of mine will think that big dudes are the 'in thing'.

Anyway I think people's tastes and preferences change as they grow, what I thought was hot is not the same thing as what I think is hot now. So each to his own.....I kind of prefer it that way, coz it means that there's someone for everyone.

I'm back

Wow, it has been too long but I'm back now and I just hope my stay will be longer this time.

We just recently had the 16 days of activism against women abuse, the sad thing is that half the women in South Africa had no clue about it. That happens to be the half that actually suffers from such abuse. How do we end this cycle?

I had a chat to my collegues this morning about women who think that the only way a man can prove his love is by 'disciplining them' (as if they are incapable of telling right from wrong). Why does someone have to be violent to prove their love? I don't know maybe I've been living in another world for the past few years and someone changed the rules in my absence.

Society teaches women to be subserviant and dependant on their male counterparts and I think that's where the problem starts. You get people who think that being single is some kind of a curse, like without a man you are nothing. Yound girls look forward to going out with a rich guy who can do things for them, whatever happened to doing it for yourself?

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against men. I just have beef with women who think they are inferior because of their sex. Women risk their lives in the name of love or because they want to do what's right. What happened to your happiness? Doing what's right for you? I have seen too many beautiful, intelligent women falling into this trap and it is truly devastating.

Ladies you need to learn to love yourselves and do things for yourselves.....there's nothing sexy about a clingy, insecure and dependant woman. Self love is where it begins, if we want men to treat us right we need to lead by example. Why should someone put you on a pedastal when you treat yourself like a cheap ..........

Racist

Today I read an email that got me thinking about racism. It is still there whether we like to admit it or not. You see it when you go to the mall from the shopkeepers who follow you around to make sure you don't steal anything(u are black after all and 'black people steal').
When you drive a flashy, the police just assume that you stole it. But racism doesn't only come from white people, we are also gulity of it(yep bodarkie).

If one of you starts dating a white person, you have issues with it...'they are sleeping with the enemy'(so to speak). We are gulity of a whole of a lot of things that we accuse them of.

The truth is many of us are still stuck in the past...I'm not saying we should forget our history but my point is; if we don't learn from our past we are doomed to repeat it.